Fishy...

A rather whimsical picture that one of the kids from camp sent me.

"Dec the Hols with lotsa Work-ie"

Just wrapped up siblings camp last week after two energy-sapping days. I always enjoyed sib camp cos' of the kids, no doubt some of them really stretches your patience and test your ability to restraint yourself from strangling them. But for every one kid who is spoilt, whiny, and irritating, there's always another who touches your heart and makes you smile despite all their antics. The truth is, at the bottom of it all, all kids are great and have lotsa potential to be wonderful people, it is the unfortunate few that has grown up learning habits which will make them the real 'ugly' singaporeans.

There is a reason why the upbringing of a child is such huge responsibility, you are practically molding a person from scratch. I am not saying parents consiously teach their child to be selfish, inconsiderate, rude or money-minded etc (frankly, i was appalled when one child equate the showing of care/love for others or towards himself, is through the act of giving money). But sometimes, as adults, we might have neglected in watching our own behaviour (parents should be role models) and to take some effort in imparting some basic values to children like offering help, speaking nicely to others or even just, saying thank you. And it shouldnt be surprising that when parents give in to their child's every demand and satisfy all their material cravings, these children will soon start to demand to be treated the same by every other people and goes through life feeling that privilege is an entitlement. How else would you explain a child insisting on watching his portable tv (at a camp no less) so that he doesnt miss his favourite power ranger cartoon and when told that he shouldn't be bring such expensive items for camp, replied that "it is ONLY $60"? Or children who refused to eat lunch or breakfast because they wanted "MacDonalds" and asked "Why don't have nasi lemak"?

Then there are also some children who are basically sweet and good kids but whose parents are no less scary than those i've mentioned. There seems to be a growing number of children who appeared to have self-esteem and self-confidence issues, aged 10 and onwards. Originally, sib camp was organized to help siblings of children with special needs to know more about their brother/sister's disability and coping with them but it has been, especially for the older siblings, that their problems revolve more about other personal issues such as parents' expectations on exam results or personal image issues like weight and fitting in. One boy called himself 'useless' because his Chinese is in "band 3", that despite the fact that he has band 1 for two of the subjects and a band 2 for the third. His reason for feeling like he is useless? Because his father said that with Chinese in band 3, he won't be able to make it for university. For pete's sake! The boy is only 10!

How about the girl who refused to eat for most of the meals and when she does, she would only touch half the rice and disappear for the rest of the meal time or look at her friends eating with a really somber face? She refused to admit to being on a diet but when asked if her mother would scold her if the camp leaders were to let mom know that the daughter was not eating, replied that her mom won't be angry since she also felt that the girl needs to be on a diet. Another boy continually refused to participate much in activities and discussion, instead spent time comparing himself to others and wanting to be 'fat' as he felt he was not as 'tall' or 'smart' as others his age despite scoring a really respectable score for his PSLE. He may not be the 'sporty' sort but he refused to even try because he just didn't think he would win anyway. It literally pains me to see him giving up just playing scissors, paper, stone because he said he was 'no good' in anticipating what the other person would do, and running away when anyone try to hit a beach ball his way.

These are really good kids and yet i wondered, what the heck happened? Seems the more i interact and know the kids, the heavier my heart is. A couple of times while listening to them talking innocently and unconsciously of such things, it brings a lump in my throat and i had to stop myself from tearing. Would i, one day as a parent, know what my kids have to go through each day? Would they also feel like they are not good enough despite trying? Would i be the person who reinforce that view point and push them into such low levels of self-esteem? It is frightening when parents are the culprit, or the accomplice to such acts or even if they are plain oblivious to their children's problems.

Sigh.

Was suppose to be a post about camp but somehow it went into parenting and kids. Guess the problems were just too sad and bad to be ignored. The rest of the Dec holidays will just be used to catch up on more work (more screening to be done! More on that later) and catching up on some reading, doing my resume (always better to be 'prepared'), sorting out my stuff for work next year and who knows, maybe some R&R during my leave days.

This year is going to end rather quietly i think... after all that upheaval over the last couple of months, its a going to be a well-deserved break for all of us.

BURST!

One of the water pipes in my room toilet sprung a leak since godknows when and finally decided to 'inform' us by flooding the room early last friday morning. To cut a painful story short (how painful? exactly $900 worth of it), pipe was fixed, toilet turned ugly and frankly, no one knows if there were any other burst pipe in there somewhere. I am a water sign creature, you would have thought all that water would be good. Perhaps it was good for a while till it got too much and I started to “drown”...

I think god, whoever she/he is have a real funny sense of humour. Just when I thought about how life sucks at work, I finally woke up to a whole day where work was miraculously peaceful and the kids and teachers were happy, being the last day of school. But everything else OUTSIDE of work decided to go ape-shit on me, starting with the flooding, and then my auto-gate decided to go bonkers and start shutting while I was driving the NEW Honda Fit out.. Just when I was halfway through the gate. Of course, the day wouldn't have been complete without the carpark at Cineleisure being full just as I was rushing to catch a movie. And while parking at Mandarin's carpark, I just HAD to go down the stairs marked "exit" only to find that after 5 flights of steps, the ground floor door was locked up tight. That was when my phone started to ring with people asking me where was I and 'chasing' me to hurry in time for the movie.

Suddenly, I felt like bursting too.

This week was a "bursting" week as well, filled with training and screening and reports to complete. The school router chose this auspicious time to go bust and its only today that the computer guy managed to get it up. Not that it was his fault cos' a new router was already available, just that no one in school knew what's the password for our account. Duh.

Human-relations wise, the tension simmering between co-workers decided to join in the merry-bursting that's been going around and erupted spectacularly over the weekend. Heck! I am a Pisces and we require tranquillity to thrive! All this 'heat' is just steaming this fish up. Every senses within is telling me to butt out of it and just chill since it isn’t my call nor my business. I guess I agree… and if just looking at how things stand, its probably better for me since I’m not gonna be helpful to anyone.

The thing is, I personally feel conflicts are all but unavoidable wherever we may be. The key is, was it worth the hassle to enter into them, for what ends and finally what do we do resolve it. Perhaps I am getting old and cranky so can no longer see things as clearly as I use to. On the other hand, perhaps I am just not as impetuous with my actions and my opinions, because sometimes it is just not worth my hide to get involve between others' "personal" issues, even if it may be 'work' related.

It might seem uncaring but I suppose everyone is entitled to their own views and ways of doing things. I am not in a position to judge who was right, who was wrong. I just feel sort of bad for everyone. It was unfortunate that it involved people I happened to work with and care about, and at times it is difficult to say anything without sounding 'judgemental' or coming off a high-horse. On my own personal level, there are things that bother me about what's happening. It is definitely not how I would do things but again, I am in no place to say much because as a 3rd party observer, I would be viewed as someone who doesn't know the real story. Frankly... who does know the real deal? The elephant will always look different depending on where you stand.

If we have access to every single information... every single incidents, every single thought, emotion, motives, views, passing thoughts, images that passes through everyone's head, then perhaps we could say we knew why people do or say the things they do. But if that's true, we would truly be gods. The fact is, we are not omnipresent and omniscient. We can't speak of others so unequivocally, as if we truly and fully understand them and we shouldn’t. If anything, it's at best a clever assumption, a lucky guess, a calculated view based on experience or a skewed perspective depending on what I had eaten for lunch. Yet, it is something that I myself would readily do…

Life, as you grow older, becomes more keenly felt as you realized that time isn't just an abstraction, but a loud sounding buzzer constantly bombarding your senses (if you would pay attention to it, is of course another matter), telling you that if you don’t make the most of it now, there ain't no second chance. The youngsters fly by things and sometimes do not stop to consider, believing that there is always another opportunity to do good around the corner. There are also others who just focus on what's right in their faces and failed to look beyond and consider that sometimes things are not just defined by the parts they see, but a sum of parts and more. Like they say, hindsight is always 20/20. Pity my myopia now… but I guess further down the road, I would see this point of time with more clarity with my “20/20” hindsight vision.

Still, right now, instead of the ill-will, anger and apathy bursting all around us, I wish that in its place we could have more understanding, patience and empathy... But with humans, that’s really a tall order. At the end of the day, people will still do and say the things they do from where they stand. Just like me choosing to write on this blog now... perhaps against the better judgement of some, who knows?

The kiss that seals it all...

The kiss that seals it all...
Originally uploaded by AuRoRiN & MoOoK.

With our blessings...

Last saturday was one of my best friend, angie's wedding and despite all the initial apprehension about the timing and preparations, turned out to be a really fantastic wedding. During the time while she was preparing for her big day, i saw in her, many little things which i myself have gone through. I guess there was a certain affinity to that and all the shared experiences (i.e. with our partners)that i really wanted to help make the wedding a memorable one for her and her hubby, Max. So, as a wedding present, I thought to decorate the church wedding.

It took a month or so of planning; from trying to find out what kind of flowers she would like, what colour combination and what type of decoration she would need. I have never ever done any floral decor before but i figured it would be a nice gift for the couple instead of them spending tons of money for only a few flowers if they were to get a real florist to do it. Of course, i did not quite anticipate the amount of hours involved but nothing that could not be tackled with a little planning (a schedule of when and what to do does got a long way), organization (what to buy, where to buy, how many) and good fortune (in terms of having great and talented friends & family).

With the help for fantastic colleagues such as Joanna, who accompanied me to get flowers and showed me where they were sold even cheaper than Far East (JiMei has 15% discount between 7-8pm from wed-fri!!). She also 'loan' me her house and taught me how to do a floral arrangement from scratch 2 nights before the wedding, staying up till past midnight with me to complete 3 floral arrangements needed for church. Then there was fei and puaysze who came by on the night before, staying till midnite to help me de-thorn bucketful of roses, making little bouquets for the pew decorations as well as arranging floral basket all by themselves for the reception.

Last but not least, there is my own hubby who took a cab all the way to Bishan to help me transport the 3 huge basket of flowers from Joanna's place when i called him after 11pm, as well as taking care of all the carrying and heaving of flowers up and down the staircase on the day of the wedding. Without all of them, I would not have been able to do it at all. I am thankful of all the help i have gotten from them, just as i am glad to have been able to help another. It felt really good, despite the week of deprived sleep from making seemingly endless ribbons and netting. In actual fact, the gift doesn't just come from me, but all these friends who has also contributed greatly in making it a reality.

Anyway, everyone was very please with the results, i sure hope Angie and Max felt the same way too. :) Hope that their marriage will be a blissful and happy one...

大拇指

I am seriously addicted to this new PSII game i am playing. Its in Japanese and involves committing mass murder as a samurai warrior (i.e. mindless tapping on the game console). No need to think, no need to plan, just whack at any soldiers that gets in your way. The graphics is simple and straightforward, and despite all the violence, there was not a single drop of blood in sight. The game also rather nicely tidy up after you cause' all the corpses automatically disappear once they fall. Very accomodating and thoughtful of the programmers.

Frankly, i really do not quite know what i was doing but just tapping on one of the buttons seems enough for my character to continue 'levelling' and it is quite mesmerizing to see one's skills improves as the death count climbs. Morbid but, engaging. Now i understand how one gets addicted to simple mindless games. The only grouse i have is that after 5 hours of continuous playing and doing that number of hours consecutively for 3 days, my thumb has gone red and sore from moving the joystick (rather violently) on my left hand. For some reason, i just do not have that knack of causally moving the joystick like my brother does. I don't see him ending up with red thumbs that's for sure...

I wonder if i will end up with a permanently swollen thumb. That would be quite odd no? As it is, i am already finding it hard to explain why my thumb has a plaster on it even though it is not bleeding (erm... that's to provide additional 'cushion' when i play). Maybe i should just continue playing mahjong with 曹操 and 关公instead even though they cheat most of the time and make me lose tons of 'money'... Well, at least my fingers are left intact, so what if my ego is a trifle bit bruised? :)

Enabling or not...

Participated in a focus group organized by one of the sub-committees loToking into special-needs population in Singapore. The question posed was, what to we need to achieve "excellence" in special-ed?

A loaded question if there ever was one.

A fair number of professionals was there from various sped schools and we were the second run; parents with special needs children has already given their views earlier this month. At first, i would say people were cautious, careful to say what would not be misconstructed. But it was quite clear even from the beginning where this will eventually head... the lack of unity, standards in the field of special-ed and a strong need for a direct involvement from the government beyond their role as a funding body and financial regulator.

So many voices has been clamouring for this for ages but has always been shut out and i think the main reason is that there is this 'fear' that once the govt takes over special-ed (no longer running ad hor under VWOs), all the responsibilities would be put solely on the ministry (like.. MOE for instance). That's one hot potato.

Hence it would make more sense if amongst us VWOs, we could come up with some agreement and clarify the diverse roles of the stakeholders involve (clients, schools, govt) so as to tackle the whole problem as a group than expecting a miracle to happen from above. Asking for more money individually would not stop the vicious cycle of inefficient resource allocation, murky criteria of delivery standards, poor future planning, lack of clarity and direction, and ultimately help for the special-needs population is hardly translated directly or effectively by all the efforts put in.

Coming under the umbrella of the ministry (MOE is quite a logical choice given the infrastructure it already has in education) can shape the whole special-ed scene dramatically. We need for special ed to be view under a realm of EDUCATION than CHARITY. There is so much more that can be done and it is still a sizable portion of Singapore's population, worthy for more to be done for it.

Well, the focus group is the first step and there has been many 'first steps' before... let's hope this will get us all somewhere.

Realization No: 84

I can't remember when was the last time i did not practise any self-censorship on this blog.

Must have been at least 2 or 3 years ago. When i was too self-indulgent to care and just wanted to spill my guts and tears out. It's a catharic experience to let everything go and spew negativity and sadness in multiple blogs once in a while.

Difficult to do that now.

Especially when problems become more complex and you yourself are not as clear as to what exactly you want to say.
Especially when you become conscious of the people who may read this, read into this and form conclusions which you have no wish for them to do so or even to form them before yourself have already formed one.

Tricky.

Hazily yours...

I am having sort of a love-hate relationship with the Haze right now. If i sound pretty confuse, i probably am.

I hate the smoke for making my skin extra sensitive... as if being allergic to certain seafood and some metals is not enough. Now everytime i get a bug bite or if i rub my skin a tad bit, i literally gets welds and bumps appearing almost immediately. Not a pretty sight in my opinion, even though i am not usually described by others as 'vain'. I just looked like i'm having a break-out or have been bitten by something bad. Worst thing is, more surface area would then start to itch as well.

Of course, the dust (or fine ash?) is making my nose run. My mom's miracle pill every morning can only do so much for my sinus. On bad days, i would be sneezing non-stop the minute i am outdoors and OK when i returned to an enclosed aircon room EVEN when i have taken my early morning sinus vit pills! Between botchy skin and running red nose/blinky eyes, i really don't know what's worse. Oh yes, and the haze is making wilk COUGH more... sheesh...

BUT.. then there is that little part that thinks perhaps school will be close due to the haze (hurray!)... and no more assembly duties (hurrah!)... and no more request to sleep with the window open and sweating my skin off (yes! yes! YES!). I know its probably selfish... and i am NOT wishing for the haze to continue (bad bad alice *smack hand*) but if its going to be around, at least i could milk it for some "good" eh? So in a way, what i am really thinking, isn't 'bad'... just ermm... trying to see the silverlining behind the clouds!

After all, who is the one that told me... when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade! HA! :)

“就说我不在。。。”

我正“躲”在办公室里，静悄悄地逃避着楼上等着我开会的一群人。
一群等着我开一个我没必要出席的会议的人。
让我不由自主的想避开一些拿不定主意的人。
电话已经响了好几次但我都没接。只想静静地躲过这一切。
我不想开会，更不想见到某些人。
不想帮她们解决一些永远也解决不了的问题，
解决一些我没必要解决的问题。
我很累，也很厌倦这种‘逃亡’地生活。
电话又响了。。。真地好烦啊！
可以说我不在吗？

A smile that melts...

Awww... this face is just too cute for words. When he looks at you like that, you can hardly refuse him anything. Wish my folks will bring him back here but that's highly unlikely. Poor puppy needs more room to play than a 25th storey garden...

Ya... sure...

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get. Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you. Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you complete. And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

<< 倔强>>

当我和世界不一样
那就让我不一样
坚持对我来说就是以钢克钢
我如果对自己妥协
如果对自己说谎
即使别人原谅，我也不能原谅

最美的愿望
一定最疯狂
我就是自己的神，在我活的地方

[ 我和我最后的倔强
握紧双手绝对不放，下一站是不是天堂
就算失望不能绝望
我和我骄傲的倔强
我在风中大声的唱，这一次为自己疯狂
就这一次我和我的倔强 ]*

对爱我的人别紧张
我的固执和善良
我的手越肮脏，眼神越是发光
你不在乎我的过往
看到了我的翅膀
你说被火烧过，才会出现凤凰

逆风的方向
更适合飞翔
我不怕千万人阻挡，只怕自己投降

[*]

就这一次让我大声唱
啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦 (x3)
就算失望不能绝望
啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦 (x3)

就这一次我和我的倔强

<< 五月天 >>
词，曲：阿信

Whisky

Meet my folks' new golden retriever puppy... at least i _think_ its a goldie. His name is Whisky and i've always wondered if that's such a good choice for the dog. Firstly, the Whisky we had before (my brother's mini schnauzer puppy) didn't make it through winter in China. Secondly, the colour of his coat looks more like BEER than 'whisky'. And lastly, his personality is quite bubbly, definitely not mellow and 'aged' like hard liquor. Perhaps he would be more suited to a name like... Champagne! Except that it sounds way too odd and 'girly'. Hahaha. Anyway, the point is moot. He is already responding to 'whisky', just that it look really odd when a big bouncy puppy comes pounding whenever we call.

无聊的一天

在一个人的办公室里，我很自然的就不想做我该做的工作。是已经厌倦了这份“职业“还是忘了责任感是什么？总有一种很难解释的疲惫与顺序而来的无奈。我想我一定是累了。不只是肉体上的疲惫，更是心灵上的疲倦。我懊恼为何原本对这工作充满活力的我，如今变成这样一个连踏出工作室的力气也没有的人。真的很可悲，很可笑。

以前工作是我向往的一件事。每天早上会很开心的来上班，很开心能看见小朋友。也许工作已经变质了吧。随着工作”年纪“的增加，我的责任也开始变得复查，变得乏味。每个星期不是开会，就是开会。老开些只会浪费时间与精神的会。工作的中心不再是孩子们，而是无聊得程序与条例。一些大家都无法一致认同得程序，无法理解得条例。每一次得会议上都好像战场般，见到不同人站在不同的立场上争个你死我活。可惜的是我也必须这样，不然也难保自己的意念与看法。正如杀场上的士兵，敌不过的就得听命与他人，也得假装无所谓。毕竟我也得生存在这恶竟里，不是吗？

不要为我惋惜以熄灭的热诚，也不要为我感到懊恼这一切的不公平。人生就是如此，没有变迁更不可能有人生所谓的转捩点。我看也该是我踏出去转动转动的时候了！

Finally...

终于有了"南极星"，不用在愁不能用华文来记载一些以前想要以华文来表达的情绪和事情。甚至可以让我不用在烦恼这么阅读一些华语或粤语的网页了。这些事可能对一般人来说不是件难事，但对偶尔电脑白痴的我却不一定是件轻而一举的事。嗨！也认了吧！不行就是不行。不用在多加解释为何不行了。有个可以替我解决电脑语文的软件，虽然得付出一点"代价" 但重比求人老是跟我讲解一些如何下载某些与某些软件，解释如何调正某些与某些电脑的细节与程序来的好吧？或许是我对这方面的常识不多，还是脑筋不成开窍，但总算少了一件让人心烦的事。

初次运用这软件，不是很顺手。应该是我很久没以华语拼音来输入资料了吧？显得有些陌生和迟钝。错字也肯定一大堆。希望再练习练习就会比较顺手了。另一件奇怪的事，不知这么搞的，当我以华文来写出感想时，"语气" 总有些不自然。非常的'规矩' ，就像是中学时期填写作文一般。怪别扭的。不懂这改得了吗？*嘻嘻*

Great local tv...

I never thought i would say this but i think the love anthology series showing on channel 5 every tuesday night is one the best example of great local tv series ever. I've caught everyone of them so far and i am completely "wow-ed". The series of 'tele-movies' has one of the best cinematography i've ever seen locally, wonderful storylines, commendable acting from a largely 'non-famous' cast with none of the 'over-the-top' performances we have been getting from local sitcomes and channel serials, and generally good pacing, editing and directing. I am no expert but darn, it is REALLY good! Hope to see more of from this series...

PS: And thanks to gpa for the correction.. *paiseh*

Unsaid

ears plugged into
songs heard
only in the
head to words
unheard and eyes
downcast

its only that
much to say not
just saying its
listening to
songs heard
only in the head

words unheard in
the head but
listened to
songs overcast
when it can
only be so isn't

it just don't
fill up the empty
void with words
unheard but listen
to songs overcast
on me

Back & Tired

Back from trip and tired as hell. It doesn't help when my folks' golden retriever puppy insist on waking us up at 5 something in the morning by opening our door & popping his big head on the bed. Still, a fantastically friendly chap and oh-so-CUTE! Think he went about mad with so many people playing with him that he ended up throwing tantrums (whinning, barking, tearing up toilet paper) when he didnt get any attention...

Nothing much to say about the trip... cept, too much food, too much shopping, too much people (Its national day in china on Oct 1st), too much smog, too much noise! Not all of that is bad since i am quite used to it but not sure how for the others. Guess will leave the judgement up to them. Must be quite an unusual experience for them since its not the typical china tour thingy, esp when you are roped in suddenly as an impromptu wedding event planner cum decorator for one of my dad's employees at the office. After half a day of hurriedly buying materials, trying to figure out what chinese people actually want for weddings (esp if its a east meets west at makeshift church type wedding), sorting out colour schemes, putting up stools and decors and finally the actually wedding itself, i must say i did feel a certain sense of pride and feeling of a job well-done at the end of it.

Folks looked fine but guess they could always do with more company from us kids, not that i am very good company for them, esp my mom. But it was good... no major major outbreak... and i did have the help of the MP3 player at timely moments when avoiding tricky questions. Heh heh

Could do with another break after this one though. Think that in the excitement of doing so many things (from folks to friends), i actually forgot i was suppose to be resting... and finishing up my reports. Sighh... Oh well...

In Conversation...

P1232584x.jpg
Originally uploaded by AuRoRiN & MoOoK.

Conversation between hubby and cat...